JohnKarkat: Make a Wish

This is it. This is the night you make it happen.

Your name is John Egbert and it is November 11, 2011, and today you will make your wish.

---

It's been three long years since you beat the game of Sburb. It didn't matter that you cheated the system, merged sessions, or any of that green sun stuff that Rose understood more than you. None of that mattered. You had made a new planet, and it was amazing, but there was one thing missing. You were surrounded by all your friends, yet something was still off, they didn't understand. There is a hole, a hole that they can't fill.

Lots of stuff happened during the game; events happened that you couldn't stop, and that you can't change, even with Dave's time powers. Lots of people died. Lots of people cried. The first year was tough, after the excitement of a new planet wore off; you had a lot of time to yourself, and a lot of time to think. Too much time to think. For a while you holed up in your house, refusing to talk to anybody. Lucky for you your friends were more persistent than your bad mood. You left your house, resumed talking to people, and restarted your life.

It was hard, so hard, but you did you it. You did it for your friends, for the ones you lost. You did it because somewhere in your head you can still hear a voice shouting at you, telling you to "smile idiot!" So you smiled, you laughed, you pranked your friends and you made this world something special. You did all that; you busied yourself in work, and made sure that everyone was happy. But you weren't even sure if you were.

Rose was the first to notice, like always. Yesterday she pestered you asking you about that hole.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 20:15—

TT: John, there is no doubt in my mind now that something is still bothering you. Would you like to talk about it?
EB: rose! i'm fine! you think too much.
TT: John, you are not fooling anyone.
EB: fine. you got me. there is something bothering me, but I don't want to talk about it.
TT: You miss him, don't you?
EB: huh? what? rose, come on this isn't about him. no way!
TT: It is John, isn't it?
EB: …
EB: ………………..
TT: John, you must respond with something more detailed than ellipses.
EB: ……..
TT: John.
EB: …fine. yeah, i miss him. a lot.
TT: I thought so. What do you intend to do?
EB: i don't know, rose, there's not much i can do.
EB: i just, i don't know how i created this world without him in it.
EB: he meant so much to me. why isn't he here beside me?
EB: rose, what did i do wrong?
TT: You did nothing wrong John.
EB: i had to have though, why aren't they here? why isn't he here?
TT: Perhaps he's happy, have you ever thought of that? They are most likely somewhere new as well. It's been three years. Maybe it's time to let go John, time to move on.
EB: you want me to forget about him?!
TT: No, never, I just want you to be happy. You can't cling to the hopes of seeing him again forever; you can't throw your future away waiting.
EB: rose, i won't, i promise. just give me some more time, ok? i'm not ready yet.
TT: Of course.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 20:30]--

You know as you push back from your chair that if tomorrow didn't work you'd have to give up. You knew you'd have to move on. It was your one last ditch effort to fill that hole. And you were terrified of failing. More frightened than you were of Bec Noir, of the scratch, or making this world.

Your bed called to you and you wearily flopped down into an uneasy sleep. The next sound you heard was your phone buzzing beside your head. It was 11:00 AM. Time to make this happen. You got up and opened a window, causally floating to your roof. You stretched and sat down, feeling slightly foolish, but if ever there was a time for the myth about wishing at 11:11 to be true it would be now. You clasped your hands together and watched the numbers on your phone pass by. Birds called softly and the sun felt nice in the crisp air. Everything was so peaceful and perfect.

11:05
11:08
11:09
11:10
11:11

Your heart stopped, it was go time. You closed your eyes and started mumbling your wish. "Please, please, please, I don't know who to ask, but please can someone hear this? Can someone help me? I have this really good friend, and I would like to see him so desperately. You see, we've been separated, for three long years. I haven't been able to contact him. To see his face and those stupid nubby horns, to hear his voice yell from across the room, to feel him grab my arm, to smell his scent when we hug…" your voice trailed off as tears welled up in your eyes. "I-I really miss him. I just want him back, please. I don't care about the consequences, I just…I need him." your voice grew a bit louder, "I'm nothing without him, I miss him so much, I know you don't understand, but I need him. I need him by my side; I need to tell him how much I love him, and how much I care about him. It's all I'll wish for, for the rest of my life.  Just please let me see Karkat Vantas again! Please!" you pressed your forehead to the roof and let tears flow freely.

11:12

Through tear filled eyes you see the time shift past 11:11. The moment is over. You feel foolish, banking all of your hope on an old tale. It's stupid, but it's the last thing you've held onto. Picking yourself up you take a shower, and go about your day. You cannot stop thinking about your wish, about if it worked. Something tells you not to get your hopes up, but you do anyways.

You've been dreaming of meeting Karkat again ever since you left. Ever since you would cry yourself to sleep after realizing how much he meant to you. After you figured out that maybe being a homosexual for Karkat wasn't so bad. It was after he was no longer in your life that you realized he was essential to it. What hurt the most was that you never got to tell him.

How did the wishes work? You hadn't a clue. You couldn't even begin to guess. Did they work instantaneously?  Was it supposed to take this long? What if it didn't work? When would you know? Your head was spinning and you felt dizzy, leaning against the wall you felt tears again. Something deep down told you that it had failed, that this stupid idea was just that, a stupid idea. And you couldn't hold back the sobs any longer.

10:30 PM

You are now on your roof again. Only this time it's dark and the stars are out. The moon is bright and bathing you in soft blue light. You often stare at the sky; you wonder which bright object he's on. You wonder if somewhere he's looking out over the stars and thinking of you. It sounds silly, you know, Rose was probably right. "He's probably off in his own world, happy, and moving on." It hurts to say it out loud. It hurts because when you say it, it's like it becomes true.

Your knees meet your forehead as you rest your head. Arms winding around your legs, you are disappointed, yes, but somehow you knew this would happen. You never should have gotten your hopes up, you never should have dreamt of him, you never should have admitted you liked him, you never should have- your mind just goes blank. There's nothing left. You know that when the sun rises tomorrow you'll move on. You'll wake up and finally delete carcinoGeneticist off of your chumlist. You'll take shower and come out a different person. You won't forget him, no, never forget him, but you'll stop waiting for him. You'll stop…loving…him. You can feel tears again and you hate yourself for crying. You always thought you would be stronger. "Stupid, I'm so stupid. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

"I could have told you that, idiot."

You freeze. Your breath catches in your chest. You imagined that. There's no way that just happened. There's no way it COULD happen. You turn slowly, very slowly behind you. Ready for all your dreams to be crushed again, to finally realize you are losing it. When you turn around you see him.

Grey skin.
Nubby horns.
Glowing yellow eyes with piercing red pupils.
That same cancer symbol spread out over his shirt.

"K-Karkat?" you whisper.

"Yeah."

You find yourself standing up, "No, no this isn't real, this can't be real."

Karkat looked confused. "Why wouldn't it be real?" his voice had gotten a bit deeper, softer too. "I'm standing right in front of you; I'm fucking talking aren't I?"

"No, I'm imagining this. This is my brain, finally losing it," you back up. The troll in front of you seems worried, and a bit angry. However, you forgot that you are located on your roof, and soon your feet run out of space to back up from, one slips off the edge followed by the other. The air briefly rushes out of your lungs as you scream but it is short lived. Something grabbed you and held you close. Your eyes are squeezed shut but you can feel and arm firmly around your waist and a hand on your back. You look up, and see the face you've been dreaming of for years. He doesn't look different, more defined, and his eyes, oh god his eyes, you could stare at them forever. "Karkat?" you ask again face pressed into his chest.

"Yes John, it's me, I'm here."  

"Oh god, Karkat!" you cling to him and sob against him, shaking and crying and hiccupping but you don't care, because Karkat is back. "I-I missed you so much!" He hugs you and speaks softly into your ear. "Karkat, I thought I'd never see you again. I thought you were gone." You pull away to look him in the eyes, "Karkat I," your voice hitched in your throat, "Karkat I love you." You find your face now buried in his chest again. "Karkat I love you so much and I was terrified I'd never get the chance to tell you."

"John…" Karkat trailed off and led you away from the edge. You both sat down. "John, does this mean you're a homo-whatever?"

You find yourself giggling as you lean against him. "I can't believe you still remember that." There's a bit of silence, "Yes, Karkat, I'm a homosexual." He says something in response but you are too caught up in the fact that he is beside you to notice. You can't stop yourself from being in contact with him; you have to be touching him, to make sure he's still there. To assure yourself you're not dreaming. "This, is a thing that's happening right?"

"Yeah. It is."

"But how?" you are still wondering this, as he sits beside you. "It couldn't have actually worked…could it?"

"Could what?"

"Well, today is a special day, the date makes up 11-11-11. And there's an old myth that says if you make a wish at 11:11 it'll come true. So thought making a wish at 11:11 on 11-11-11 would be extra lucky and come true. So I uh, wished to see you again, to have you by my side."

"John…" he pulled you closer and played with your hair in-between his fingertips. "I missed you too." he admitted quietly. "I didn't know what to do with myself, it was horrible. I thought I fucking lost you as well." A beep sounded in the calm air, both sets of eyes fell on your phone. "What's that for?"

"Heh heh, it's 11:11 again. I didn't know if this one counted, because it's not really the eleventh hour anymore, I was going to come up here and wish one time for you, but you're here. We can still try it though." you leaned your head back and looked at Karkat, "what's your wish?"

Karkat smiled and replied, "Nothing, I got mine." He pressed his lips gently to yours.

You held each other for what seemed like hours. Watching stars shoot across the sky and the sun slowly rise.