Wings of a Worthless God Chapter Two

You can't believe what you are seeing. Karkat unwraps the long strip of fabric from around his chest and back. Slowly he turns around and lets you see. There are two bright red strips on his back. You stand and walk over, fearing he is injured, but as you get closer, you discover that's not what they are at all. He twitches as your hand gently touches one. Getting a bit braver you rest your hand on it, "Karkat," you start, the red membrane is soft and warm, "Karkat are these…" As you inspect him the mysterious growths start to look familiar. "Oh god, Karkat…" you put a hand to your mouth. His shoulders slump down and he sighs.

He starts to wrap his back again but you don't move your hand. "Karkat," you say softly, "no, don't." He turns around; the expression on his face hurts. "Can you…" you trail off, and start again, "are they…" his eyes are full of regret and shame. "Can I see them?" You ask and move behind him, he whispers "yes" so faintly you can hardly hear him. Gently you peel one of the layers apart. You hear his breath catch and his fist clench. "Karkat, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?" he nods and you move away. "S-should I stop?" He shakes his head and you continue. Shock doesn't even begin to cover what you're feeling. Each time you pull a piece of wing loose Karkat whines, he's now bent over, grabbing the blankets of the bed in his fist.

It takes a long time, but finally they're extended all the way. It makes you sick.

What should have been beautiful, strong, wings are now crumpled, and useless. The shine gone, the edges are tattered and frayed from rubbing against the binding. Parts are discolored, probably due to lack of blood flow. Your hand waves over them again, they twitch and spasm without Karkat doing a thing. They don't shimmer like Vriska's when they move. Karkat stands to his full height, he still won't face you. Arms wrap around his body and you press your face to his back, in-between the pitiful wings. He grabs your arms and holds them tight. "Karkat…" you say softly in his back. "Why…?" You feel something hit your arm, it's wet. He's crying and you realize you are too.

He just falls face first onto his bed, taking you with him. The troll grunts a bit when you press on his back but doesn't move or tell you to get off. Your arms are trapped underneath him. He lays there with his face buried into the blankets and won't speak. "Karkat?" you ask again. One of his arms sneaks out from underneath him and fumbles for a remote, he presses a button and you hear something click. You realized he had locked the door. Carefully you move off him and sit beside him, running a hand through his messy hair. Tears still flow from your eyes, but you're not sobbing. The troll beside you is, he's not loud, but you can hear his breath hitch and his body shudder. You're not sure how long you just sit there, next to him, but eventually his breath evens and he turns his head and looks up at you. There are red tear stains down his face and he looks miserable. Karkat pushes himself up and sit's next to you. He rubs his face with his hands.

"Sorry, about that." He says quietly.

"For what?" you tell him, "You didn't do anything wrong." He won't meet your gaze, you briefly wonder if he'll start crying again.

"You asked why, didn't you?" He sees you nod and takes a deep breath. "My blood." You look at him confused, "Trolls have a hierarchy based on blood color. It's stupid and out of date and serves no function, but none of that matters. The problem is that I'm not on it. At all."

"What do you mean?"

"I have a mutated blood color." His fist clenches beside you. "I have to hide it; I've always had to hide it. If I didn't I'd be culled."

You start to understand now; his wings are the color of his blood, which he has to keep hidden. "But, Karkat, these are your friends, they'd understand."

The troll shakes his head, "No, John, you don't understand, to trolls friend is the same as enemy." He stops and takes another breath. His voice is softer, quiet, almost a whisper. "I'm the freak, the mutant. In their eyes it's the reason we failed. And they're right."

"Karkat, no. That's not true." Attempts to protest don't work. He believes this is true, and there's nothing you can say that will change that. You stare at his wings, and notice one is deformed; you trace the large scar and feel where it was shoved into an unnatural position and left to heal. "What happened to them?" You fear his answer, something deep down already knows how they got in this condition.

You feel sick again when he answers, confirming your worst thoughts. "I-I did that. I tried to cut them off. Right after I attained Godtier." Your hand lingers on the base of that wing, you can feel it spasm and try to match the other wing's gentle movements. It's weak and stiff and doesn't seem to do much other than twitch. "After I passed out from pain and woke up I decided to hide them by folding them in." he placed his head in his hands again. "I was so STUPID."

"Karkat…"

"I never should have touched them, at least then I could have flown away when the others decide to kill me."

He looks so sad, so pitiful; you hug him again, long and tight. "They won't," you say, "they can't."

"They will." When he says it, it sounds final.

You can't accept that, you want to argue but something in Karkat's eyes stop you. You see how serious he is, you realize it's the truth. The horrible, awful, truth. You take on his hand in yours and hold it firmly. "Karkat that's terrible." He clenches his fist under your hand as he nods. "Friends shouldn't do that. Friends shouldn't-" he cuts you off.

"John, that's just it, 'friends' shouldn't, but that word has no meaning to us." He growled in frustration. "My 'friends' aren't friends like yours are." He averted his eyes, "And I don't blame them, either, they're just doing what they've been taught."

You're silent for a while. "Not everybody would try to kill you, would they…?"

Karkat flopped to the side, his hand still in yours. "Maybe Terezi…if she can get past the 'justice' thing, Nepeta might not mind, Sollux probably wouldn't care." He sighed, "But this is all a big 'if'. I mean they might take one look at my blood and snap. I just don't know. And I don't want to find out." He had closed his eyes and let out another sigh.

You move closer and rub his back, he shivers, "Karkat, the hemospectrum thing, that's a big deal isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's been imprinted on our behavior, our instincts, culture, everything. Some trolls don't take it as seriously as others, but in some way we all follow it."

"Even you?" he frowns when you ask, and looks away.

"Yeah, even me. I don't like it, but I guess even I follow parts." He shivered again and you ask if he's ok. "I'm fine, just cold."

"How about this, you take a nice hot shower, and come back and we'll talk more, ok?"

He looks at you worriedly, "can you wait here, in this room? I mean, I locked the door but just in case, I would feel better if someone I trusted was here too."

Karkat's bathroom is attached to his room, you're told it was one of his requests; you nod anyways and sit down alongside the wall, right by the bathroom door. "Of course Karkat, I'll wait right here."

You can hear the water turn on, and the troll hiss in pain. You can only assume it was too hot, or the  feeling of water hitting his wings stung.

It's a few minutes before he walks out of the shower, hair still dripping, hell most of him was still dripping. The troll had a towel around his neck and stumbled wearily to his bed. You got up and followed him, concern written all your face. "Karkat..." you say softly taking the towel off from around his neck, "you're going to get cold again if you don't dry off." You rub the towel over his waist and chest then through his messy hair. His wings you're a bit more cautious with. They're wet too, soaked through, and you take the soft towel and run it gently over the membrane. "Karkat what are you going to do?" You ask as you finish drying the wings.

"I don't know." he replies. He's quiet, and it's odd.

"You can't hide these forever. Someone's going to notice."

"Yes I can, and I will." he says bluntly.

You frown and get up tossing the towel in the bathroom. "Karkat it's not good for them to be folded up like that."

"It's not like they'll ever work again." he's right too, you know he is, and it hurts to know he's right. "I figure, since they're useless why bother saving them further?"

You find one of his shirts and walk back to the bed. Carefully you cut two slits down the back and hand it to him. "Here's the deal." you say matter-of-factly. "You are going to let your wings out whenever we're together. I won't take no as an answer. I can't stop you from hiding them like you have been, but they are in danger." You run your hand over one, tracing the discolored parts. "Look, Karkat, parts are dying from lack of blood flow." thankfully you've noticed these sections have gotten some color back from the time he's had them stretched out. "I won't you let you get sick, or be in more pain from this. It's not right in the first place."

Karkat takes the shirt and says back, "Fine, whatever." then a bit softer. "Thanks." He pulls the shirt over his head and you help him fit his wings through.

You smile and tell him it's no problem, "This is how a human friend is." You pull out your computer and shoot a few quick messages to Rose telling her you're staying with Karkat for the night so they don't have to worry. "Karkat, I'm going to go clean up, I'll be right back." he nods and watches you go into his bathroom.

It's bigger than you thought on the inside. Karkat has a really nice room you decide. His floors have rugs, something you've noted a lack of in the veil; his attached bathroom has a large shower, and a separate tub. The air is still warm from Karkat's shower and it feels nice to get out of your sweaty clothes. Water pounds on your back and you are glad for the time to think. Your mind can hardly comprehend what just happened. It's too sad, too painful. But you do realize one thing, Karkat needs you, and you can help him. That thought alone makes you happier. You wonder briefly if co-friend leaders would feel this way about each other. You really do care for Karkat; it's something that has been troubling you for a while. Shutting off the water you decide that you're doing exactly what any non-troll friend would do. Care for him.

You find Karkat curled in on himself on his bed. "Karkat, are you ok?"

The troll glances up, he's been crying again, you can tell. He nods and sits up. "Egbert, shouldn't you be going back to the humans? Or to your room at least?"

"I already told them I was spending the night with you. It's ok."

He looks over at you and you can't tell his emotion. You're not sure if he's happy, or sad, or anything, he's just staring at you. "Why would you do this, John? Why do you care so much?"

"Obviously because you're my friend Karkat." you reply. "And not the troll kind of friend, the human kind. I worry about you." The troll just fell over again. "Karkat..." you pull him back up. "Come on, we'll get through this. I promise." he looks in your eyes and nods his head a bit. You hug him again, "I know it's hard, but believe me, trust me a bit ok?"

He stiffens at the word trust, but relaxes again. "Fine, John, I trust you. And that means a lot." he slumps against you and sighs.

"Hey Karkat?" he grunts. "Did you ever get to fly?"

His hands tighten around your back. "Yeah, once." he pauses, "It was amazing."

You smile, "Maybe I'll take you out again, and we can fly together."

"How, Egbert? My wings are trashed." You can feel him try to move them over your hand. The left wing sorta pulses while the right one twitches.

"I'll help you. I'm the Heir of Breath remember? I have windy powers." You slide your fingers across a wing, no matter what condition you still found them very interesting. "We can go to Skaia, it's out of the way, open and if we leave our computers somewhere no one will be able to see us. It'll be fun Karkat," you tell him. "Skaia is still around, right?"

"Yeah, we have transporters that go to it still." he looked you in the eye; "You're serious about this aren't you?" You nod. Karkat Vantas smiles at you and you can do nothing to hold you grin back. He tackles you and holds you close, he makes a bunch of quick chirping noises you've never heard and nuzzles your neck.

"K-Karkat, get off," you push on his chest a bit. He growls at you, a bit annoyed, but sits up. "Karkat, what was that?" you ask him sitting up as.

The troll moves away from you a bit. He looks at you then blushes slightly, "I was happy, I was just showing it," he mumbles and plays with blanket.

You know you're blushing too, because you realized, your alien friend was just nuzzling your neck. And that's sorta weird. Ok that's really weird. But then again, he is an alien. He has wings, and horns, and claws, and fangs, and he speaks a different language, and there's so much that's different about him, but at the same time, so much is the same. You turn off the light and walk back to the bed, "Karkat, it's ok; I was just surprised is all." You toss the covers at him and he growls a bit, but it doesn't sound threatening. "Come on, you need some rest. Big day tomorrow."

"Wait? We're going TOMORROW?" His voice rises a bit and he grabs your hand again. "You're joking right? It's so soon…"

You laugh and squeeze back, "Don't you want to go as soon as possible?" You can't really see him in the dark, but he relaxes his grip on your hand and lies down too. "Thought so."

He doesn't say anything else and you both fall swiftly asleep.

The next day you see the extent of his paranoia. You can tell he really wants to go. But his hand hovers over the button to release the door. His wings are under his shirt, not bound, the bottoms hang out reaching to his knees. "John I really think we should fold them down."

"Karkat, no." you tell him, "The transporter is just down the hall, we'll be fine if we move fast." You grab his hand and tug a bit. He makes the most pathetic whining sound you've ever heard. He shakes his head. "Karkat, it's ok." He shakes his head again and takes a step back. You stand firm and tug again. The troll mutters something in Alternian and lets out another distressed whine. His ears are down and back and he's glaring at you. "Karkat?" He's scared, really scared. "Come on, it's just down the hall, a few feet, you'll be fine." You let go of his hand and walk to his side. Karkat actually backs away from you a bit, you can see the fear in his eyes, he growls at you when you reach for him. "Shooosh, Karkat." It reminds you of coaxing an animal out of hiding. "You'll be ok." Karkat's trembling and shrinking back towards the bed. You let him. He sits down in the corner of the room and shakes, arms wrapped around his legs, his face buried. "Karkat," you reach out a hand and he snarls at you.

Immediately you step back and sit down as well. He's defensive, alert, and panicking. The worst part of it is that you haven't even left the room yet. 'How bad is his paranoia?' You can't fathom the answer.

After a few minutes he lifts his head up and looks at you. "S-sorry, John, I just don't know what came over me."

"You're scared; it's not your fault." You stand and walk slowly to his side, kneeling down and putting a careful hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to be afraid," even though you know he's probably right. He's taking a risk, one that could kill him. "I'll be with you Karkat. I won't let anything happen to you."

He nods. Slowly, very slowly he gets up and grips you. You hug him back and lead him to the door. He opens it with shaking hands. You check the hallway and pull him along to the transporter room. Karkat tells you the code to enter for Skaia. You enter it and both step through.

Skaia is just as bright and welcoming as you remember it. It seems that never changed when you jumped sessions. The air is clean and cool. You feel Karkat beside you, he breaths in deep and looks around. "See Karkat, I told you we'd make it ok." He walks to a small tree and sets down his computer, you do the same. You help him pull his wings through the slits in his shirt again and look around. "Well, want to go now?"

His eyes light up, the worry from before disappears and he nods. "Hell fucking yes I want to leave now."

You smile and summon the wind, it comes swiftly and calmly, you grab his hands and will the breeze to take you up. You rise slowly, leaving the checkerboard ground behind you. The troll wraps his arms around your neck and looks down. He's worried, his eyes dart from the ground to your face, then back to the ground. "Are you sure we'll be ok?"

You laugh a bit and he growls, "Yes Karkat, we'll be fine. I have you." He's tense for a while, and then he relaxes his grip around your neck and looks around. His eyes grow wide again and he looks over the landscape.

"This is fucking amazing." He tells you. You decide to glide over the battle field, he doesn't want you to let go so you end up holding him around his waist as you both fly horizontally.

You giggle as the troll spreads his arms out wide and screams things at the wind. You've never seen him so happy. "Do you like it up here?"

"Fuck yes John. This is great!" he shouts something in Alternian and waves his arms.

Your smile falters when you glance down and see his wings. All his instincts are telling them to flutter, but they can't. The wind blows through them and they twitch straining to work but failing. The sight makes you want to cry, you almost do. It's so sad, seeing something in its natural state and not being able to work. But then you catch a glimpse of Karkat's face, with that ultra-rare smile and bright eyes. He's having fun; you know that, so you decide that this is the next best thing. 'He can't fly, but I can make it so he can.' And that's ok too.

Eventually you land and he hugs you again, thanking you for that brief trip in the sky. You grab your stuff and head for the transporter. Karkat's anxiety is worse going back because you can't see who's on the other end. You try to work him through it, but he won't listen. Eventually he takes out the binding strips he has on him and proceeds to wrap his wings against his back. You don't watch.

When you're on the other side he's a completely different troll. He's guarded and cautious. You can tell when he's in pain, or getting annoyed. You want desperately to help him but you know there's nothing you can do. You're eating dinner together when some of the other trolls come in.

"Leader, I would like to ask you about your plans." The big buff troll with the towels walks in. You think he said his name was Equius.

"I thought you didn't think of me as your fucking leader anymore." Karkat shoots back.

"I, uh, while the outcome of our session was not desirable, I don't think it was your fault entirely. Just parts of it." He hesitates a bit, "if you would take the leadership position again I would be willing to give you another chance."

You watch Karkat closely; he stands up, suddenly displaying strength and authority. "Ok, fine, whatever. Right now that freak mutant dog Jack has no clue where we are. This place is safe." He turns to Sollux. "How many planets are confirmed to have made it during the merge?"

'The merge' that's what you're calling the event that happened to your sessions. It turned out that when you joined the trolls from your session data followed you. The planets you lived on, the Land of Wind and Shade and others got transferred as well. They're not the same as they were before, more like reset copies. But it didn't really matter much; the point was that planets exist that you can hop from.

"Tho far the codeth for Egbert'th planet, Thider'th, and Lalonde'th have been confirmed." He answers quickly adjusting his glasses.

"Good." He turns to others, "What I was thinking was that we could split up, and set up bases on various planets and keep them linked. It would be a lot of work, but that way when Jack shows up-"

"Bec," Jade interjects.

"What?"

"Oh, well, he merged with my dog Bec, so I thought it'd be appropriate to call him Bec now."

"Fine, whatever, when BEC shows up we can easily escape to a new location. And if we keep the transporters secured with codes he can't follow us as easily."

"Kar, how are we goin to get all the stuff to the plants" Eridan stepped forward. "It seems like a real pain to bring all this stuff with us."

"And I don't like the idea of splitting the group." Kanaya added.

"Look, we need to have other options. He will find us eventually." Karkat meets everyone's gaze. "The best I've come up with was have back up places already secure and ready to go." He paused taking a breath, "Look, if we split into small groups of four each we can cover a lot of planets and still have a safe number to fight with. Plus, we have three Godtiers, if we spread them out we stand an even greater chance at survival."

"I'm ok with scouting out places ahead of time. I'm quite good at exploring." Aradia said calmly. Her dark red wings pulsed and shimmered in anticipation.

"I can help out too," you offer. Karkat gives you a grateful look.

"Well if John's in, I suppose you'll need my help too." Vriska says casually leaning against the wall. "I'll map locations as well."

"Good, so the Godtier's will start the surveying process. Sollux, I need you and Equius to start making duplicate parts of all the machines. We need to make sure that if they break down we can fix them. I want at least one set of backup parts per planet."

You were amazed at Karkat's ability to lead. You've never seen him in action before. He took command and didn't shy away. His voice was firm, but he wasn't yelling. The other trolls seemed to respect him. Everyone departed when he was finished and the troll slumped wearily down on the table. "You ok?"

He grumbles something you can't hear. You poke him a few times and he growls. You prod him one last time and he lifts his head from his arms. "Yes, John, I'm fucking fine." You laugh and he glares at you. "It's not as easy as looks leading them." He tells you. Karkat explains that the different blood colors make it hard to predict their behavior. He also shares that prior to your arrival a rift had formed between the trolls that respected Karkat and the ones that didn't. "They needed something to blame; the most obvious choice is the leader. Hell it's what I blame." He spoke quietly. "It doesn't surprise me that they thought this either. I figured the group would never be together again as a team, in fact, they still might not be. It's pretty clear Eridan doesn't like me leading, and I can sense Equius isn't happy either. I'll have to be careful."

"For what it's worth, I think you're doing a great job." He thanks you and proceeds to eat. "So, Karkat, want to go flying again?"

The troll almost chokes on his food and looks at you, "What kind of grub-fucking question is that? Of course I want to go again."

The days continue to slip by. You've lost count of how long you've been in the Veil. Karkat taught you the basics of Alternian. You can't speak it, but you can understand it if it's spoken to you. You continue to grow closer to him. He still won't tell the others his blood color or the fact that he reached Godtier. You're the only one he trusts. The fact that you're Godtier as well keeps you busy; scouting ahead for suitable locations near transportation pads is hard work. In between trips you take Karkat to Skaia and fly with him. You love the faces he makes when he's happy. You love making him happy. You notice that you might love him.

It's confusing at first, you always thought you weren't a homosexual, in fact, you're pretty sure you're not. But when you're around Karkat, you feel different, you're happy, and notice he's happy. Karkat is someone you can talk to, he's someone you can trust. You know he feels the same way about you. You've seen him at his weakest, and he's seen you at yours. The fact that the first thing you do is run to him after missions is proof enough. You need Karkat Vantas in your life forever. The thought of losing him scares you too much.

On one trip to Skaia your relationship finally changes. It was a normal day; you took off and dove up and down carrying Karkat and enjoying the feeling of the wind. You pause and float high above the battlefield. There are no soldiers on it anymore. The trolls beat their session; the battlegrounds are calm and peaceful. Karkat's saying something, you realize. It takes you a minute but you recognize the clicks and buzzes of Alternian.

You catch him mid-sentence, "…and I'm not sure what to do, because I'm confused and you're *growl buzz* confused. My blood doesn't help matters at all, FUCK that shit, there's no way someone like you would *click hum* go for me. But I think we could work, at least in one quadrant, I might be getting my hopes up by *click click hum*for a Matespritship with you." He's speaking really fast and you can't catch some of the words. The troll isn't even looking at you, he's staring down at the ground. "I mean, you have that whole not a homosexual thing going on, and I *hum growl* that. It's not like I'm worth anything to you other than being a friend." He pauses and looks over at you, suddenly horrified. "Holy shit, John, how much have you been listening too?" he swears and turns red. "Fuck, why did I teach you Alternian? GOD DAMN IT. Karkat you are a fucking nooksniffing, grubfucking, shitsponge. I can't believe your own thinkpan thought it'd be a brilliant fucking idea to spew your feelings about the one you're flushed for in front of him." He freezes again. "FUCK." He looks up at you, "Listen just ignore everything past me said, he's shit hive maggots and spouting non-"

You interrupt him by kissing him gently. His eyes widen in shock and he stares at you. "Karkat, it's really ok. I think I'd be ok with you as my boyfriend." You confess and watch him. The troll is stunned, but the blush soon colors his cheeks.

"But what about what you said?"

You laugh, "Just because I might love you, doesn't mean I like all guys." You place a hand on his face, "There's something special about you Karkat. You're one of a kind." He rests his head on your shoulder. "So, if you'd like a derpy human like me filling one of your quadrants I'd be more than willing to fill it."

He chuckles and squeezes you tight. "Yes, I'd love that."

You land and take his hand in yours; the walk to transporter will never be the same. He's smiling and looks like he just won the lottery, and in a sense, you guess he did. He once told you that he never expected to have a matesprit, ever. He said he resigned himself to the thought of being alone forever. He also admits that he's had feelings for you for a long time. You inform him that you've probably had feelings for him for a long time too, it just took you this long to notice.

You reach the transporter and Karkat removes his shirt and takes out the now familiar binding. He turns around a bit shocked when he feels your hand on his back. "I'll help." You've never helped him with this before; you've always stood back and avoided watching. It sickened you, it still does, but you figure that this is something you should help him with. He takes the crippled wing and starts folding it in, you can see him wince when he hits a part that still has strong feeling left. His other wing is in your hand. Tears meet your eye when you begin folding it too. This one is in much better shape, you learn. He has to bite down on something to avoid screaming. Your hand is shaking and you feel like throwing up. You cannot believe that you are hurting someone you love, on purpose. Karkat has to finish the job because you can hardly stand. Eventually your legs do give out and you sit on the ground.

He looks over at you, the dull look in his eyes makes yours cry harder. After he's pinned the binding in place he walks over and sits next to you. "It's not fair." You tell him. "It's not right." There's a hand on your shoulder now and he's pressing his face into your back. "You shouldn't have to hurt yourself. You shouldn't have to make yourself sick." Your voice starts shaking with anger now. "I should put all the others in as much pain as you are in now. You shouldn't have to do this alone." The troll behind you wraps his arms around your waist. "You shouldn't have to hide, goddamn it Karkat, this is wrong!"

"I know." he says softly. "I know."

----

The group is almost ready to start building the various bases on the different planets. Sites have been marked, supplies gathered. Karkat estimates it'll only be about a week. You're with him constantly, always watching him and supporting him. It's funny how no one notices your relationship until they catch you giving Karkat a brief kiss before dinner.

"John, there is no way in hell that was a 'bro kiss'," Dave says walking up beside you, "that isn't a thing."

You're blushing like mad, because oh man, this is really embarrassing. The troll beside you seems calm as ever.

"Uh, um, haha," you smile lamely, "I guess now would be a good time to tell you that I'm dating Karkat."

"Karkat, is this true?" Kanaya asks.

"Yeah, we're matesprits." He replies coolly.

"For how long?" she asks again.

"I don't know, a few weeks. Why the fuck does it matter to you?"

She doesn't answer. A bunch of the trolls are asking Karkat questions in Alternian. They are speaking quickly and you can't quite catch all of it, so instead you turn your attention to your friends.

Dave gives you some shit about being a homo, but says that he supports you and thinks you'll be happy in the long run. Rose informs you that she had a feeling this whole time that you'd end up together and wishes you the best. Jade just giggles and hugs you. She smiles and makes you promise you'll never leave Karkat alone. You remember that Karkat used to troll her too; she told you that he was very lonely sometimes, and is insecure about a lot things. You already know this, but you nod and promise you'll never leave his side.

Vriska walks over too, "John," she starts, "I had a feeling this would happen."

"I'm sorry, Vriska, I guess I just don't-"

"Stop that right now, John. You aren't some weak little grub are you?" You shake your head. "Of course not, so don't apologize for something that doesn't need an apology." She steps closer, "Just make sure you really pity him. Being matesprits is a huge commitment. I had sorta hoped it would be me, buuuuuuuut what can I do? I'm giving you all my luck, John, and trust me, that's a lot of luck, because you know, I have-"

"All of it." You finish. She smiles at you and turns away. "Vriska," she stops, "we still need to have that Nic Cage marathon, don't forget!"

"Oh of course not John, it's just one of my many irons in the fire."

You watch her walk away with a few other trolls. Something brushes your hand and grips it. "You don't regret picking me over her do you?"

"No, never, Karkat." You give him a kiss and hold him close. "I'd pick you over and over again, given the chance."

"God that's so cheesy Egbert." You laugh and don't even care that some of the others are watching.

The last week before construction was relatively peaceful. You spent a lot of time with your friends, hanging out and enjoying their company. You learned that Karkat sucked at all of Dave's videogames he alchemized. You learned a lot about him. The two of you moved in together, it's not like it was a big move, you did live next door, and most nights slept in the same room anyways. But having your stuff next to his and strewn about his room made it seem so much more official. Kanaya and Rose also gave the two of you something special.  Rose made you each scarves; Karkat's was a soft grey, and yours a light blue.

"I'm sorry I cannot create anything more detailed than scarves, I'm still a bit of a beginner." You thanked her tucked the gift away.

Kanaya presented you with something else that was just as amazing. "I made these for the two of you." She held out two necklaces, one had Karkat's cancer symbol on it, while the other had your breath sign. "In Alternian culture symbols are very important. Matesprits often carry their partners sign on them, or display it."

"Wow, Kanaya, thanks." You take the cancer necklace put it around your neck. Karkat does the same with the breath one.

"Kanaya, you didn't have to," Karkat tells her.

"It's ok, Rose and I both thought you two could use some gifts. You guys deserve them." After you hugged them both they departed.

"Karkat, that's really nice of them."

"Yeah." He agrees. He shuts the door behind them and you lock it. The troll eagerly slips his shirt off and unbinds his wings.

You watch from the bed. "You're beautiful, you know that?" You tell him. He blushes and turns around, "I mean it, everything about you is amazing." He flops down next you. His wings are no better or worse than they were before. At least no new parts have died. For a while you were concerned that he could poison himself. You trace the patterns both natural and not. He purrs beside you, a sound you recently found he can make. To you, his wings are beautiful, they are everything Karkat is. Rough, beat up, yet strong. It still saddens you that they will never work, or shimmer and you still feel anger when you see him pain because of it, but you've decided that this is all part of what makes Karkat special.

He sighed and rolled away from you. "Why do you even have red feelings for me? It doesn't make any sense." He pulled a pillow out and hugged it. "What is there to fucking love?" You know that somewhere deep inside Karkat, the troll doesn't believe you care for him. Somewhere in there, there is a piece of him that believes he will always be alone, and that his life is one big painful moment that has lasted too long, and he's still so young.

You sit up and lean over him, carefully taking one of his wings and draping it over his shoulder and side. "I love lots of things about you, Karkat. I love the way you care about your friends, even if they won't return it, I love how you get hiccups after eating your food too fast they sound like little chirps, I love your eyes, how they glow, I love your expressions, your devotion, the way you scream and curse when I beat you at one of Dave's videogames, or how you smile when you win." You pause and kiss him on the neck. "I think you're best thing that's ever happened to me."

"John…" he trails off, just watching you. You smile at him and he curls into you.

You're running a hand through his hair when you ask, "Karkat?" he growls once. "I, I think we should tell them you're blood color."

He freezes. You can feel him tense up. "No, John, that's stupid."

You continue petting his head, "Karkat, really, I think it's time." He looks you in the eye and you can tell he's scared. "Everyone seems to respect you again, the new project is moving along faster than we had planned, I just think it's time."

"John, do you have any idea what you're suggesting means?"

"It means you won't have to hide anymore." You tell him simply. "It means you won't have to put yourself through so much pain, you can finally be yourself."

You can tell he's thinking hard about it, he's weighing the options. "Yeah," he says finally. "But, what if I get rejected? What happens then? What the fuck am I supposed to do after that?"

"I'll be there, I'm sure Rose, Dave, and Jade will be there for you too, and also Terezi, Sollux, and Kanaya. You have good friends behind you."

He presses into your chest and grips you tight. "John, I don't think that'll be enough."

"I know, you're scared, but I really think now is the right time." The troll lets out a few trembling breaths. "I'll be with you. You can count on me to never leave your side. I'll defend you, trust me Karkat."

"You know I do, John. I trust you with everything I am." You kiss him and he returns it. "Tomorrow then." He tells you.


"Tomorrow," you agree. The lights go off and you hold him close. Both of you know that whatever happens tomorrow; tonight could be your last night to peacefully hold each other.

------

Karkat stands by the door, you're beside him. His wings are exposed, and he takes a deep breath. The situation is so much different from before. You can tell he's scared. He gives you one last nervous whine and you kiss him.

"You can do this, Karkat." he nods and takes your hand. Together you step out into the lab.

It takes a bit longer than you had thought before someone notices his wings. You grip Karkat's hand tight when you hear Terezi exclaim, "Karkles what is that delicious smell coming from you?" She moves closer and you watch as her expression turns confused. "Karkat, are those, wings?"

The room turns painfully silent. "Y-Yes." He answers. You squeeze his hand.

"Karkat, I'm confused, since when did you have…" She trails off.

Now the other trolls are gathering around you both. "Since I hit Godtier months ago." He responds.

"You reached Godtier?" Kanaya speaks. He nods. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"What's wrong with them?" Nepeta questions, getting a closer look.

"I hid them from everyone."

"Why'd you do that?"

Equius is the first to notice, that doesn't surprise you. "Look at the color." He says.

"Kar, what color is your blood?" Eridan steps forward glaring at you and your boyfriend.

"Red." He says back.

"What shade of red?" Karkat doesn't answer. "I said what shade of red?"

"You can see for yourself nookwhiff."

"Aradia, would stand by him?" Equius asks.

The other Godtier moves to stand beside Karkat. When the two are side by side his red stands out, the difference becoming painfully obvious.

"I fuckin knew it Kar. I knew you hid your blood color for a reason. You're a freak!"

"KK, ith thith true?"

"Yes."

"Why did you decide to tell us now?" Equius asks again.

"Because," you interject, "the pain from having to hide his own wings was getting to be too much! They were dying."

"Why did you hide them in the first place, Karkat?" Vriska asked. "It's awfully selfish of you to keep your powers hidden from us when we could have used them."

"He hid them because he was afraid you were going to kill him!"

"And he was right to hide them; he should have kept them hidden too!" Eridan spat. "Because now we know he's a freak, and that's not right."

"Eridan stop it!" Feferi grabbed him before he could get any closer to Karkat.

"I don't see what the big deal is here." Dave spoke up. The other humans now entering the room. "He has bright red fucking blood, big deal, so do we."

"There is a honorable blood caste system that every troll must obey." Equius explains, "And that shade of red is not on it, it's a disgrace to troll kind and I can't believe you've lived this long without getting culled."

"His blood's probably the reason we lost anyways," Eridan was still glaring at Karkat.

"How can you say that?" You tell him, "Blood has nothing to do with how this game turned out. If anything, we're to blame! Our session was the one that got fucked up, not yours."

"Eridan speaks a bit of truth, I cannot stand by as someone like you walks among us."

"Equius!" Nepeta spun on her moirail. "You are not going to lay one finger on Karkitty. You hear me? I don't care if his blood is red, or blue, or even purple! He's our friend, and our leader."

"If the humans have taught us anything it's that our ways are outdated and trivial." Kanaya reasoned.

Feferi stood in front of Eridan. "She's right. I was once going to be the Empress of our people, I've thought long and hard about the hemospectrum and I've decided it's a waste of our concern." She walked over to Karkat. "I'm truly sorry I could not change anything, the events of the game came at an unfortunate time." She ran a hand down one of Karkat's wings. "I'm truly sorry you've suffered. The pain our laws have caused can never be forgiven or undone."

"Feferi, it's not like any of this was your fault directly."

"So you mean to tell us that we're going to let him continue to live? To keep his leadership role over us?"

The sea troll turned on Equius and Eridan. "Yes, that is exactly what I mean. John is right; blood has nothing to do with our session."

You stand between Karkat and Equius. "Karkat has sacrificed more than you'll ever know for your life, for all of your lives. He deserves the respect and peace he's earned a hundred times over."

The trolls start arguing amongst themselves and the room is filled with voices. Your friends are confused and watch helplessly as you stand by your boyfriend. Karkat's shaking, but he's not crying. He reaches for your hand you squeeze it in yours. The majority of the trolls seem to be on your side. Eridan and Equius are losing; you can see their expressions change.

It's then you hear a honk.

Then a crack.

"I don't see what the motherfucking problem is here."

Karkat's hand slips from yours. His body falls limply to the ground.

"You have one motherfucker that doesn't belong, so you kill him. Solves everything right?" Gamzee stands behind you, holding one bloody club. "He's a fucking mutant, and we all know they don't belong. Sorry best bro, can't motherfucking save you this time." His eyes are red, he's not the same. You've only seen Gamzee a handful of times, but the troll before you is not the harmless clown you remember.

But you don't think much past that. You drop down to Karkat's side, the blood is already welling up and dripping to the floor. "Karkat!" You scream his name, waiting for a response. A grunt, a snarl, anything. "Karkat, wake up!" You're hands start shaking and they're coated in his blood. "Karkat. Karkat. Come on, don't do this to me. Karkat!" There's no pulse under your finger, no breath on your cheek. Tears have been sliding down your face for a while now; your head rests on his steadily cooling body. "Karkat…" you whimper, sobbing. "Karkat!" You hiccup and cry and scream his name but he won't answer. You realize he will never answer you.

Everyone is watching you, wind swirls around you and Karkat. They back up. You start screaming. The wind howls past your ears and you continue to scream. Karkat is dead, he's never going to yell at you, never touch you, never call you an idiot. He'll never hold you, or kiss you, or say your name softly. He won't purr for you ever again, he won't cry on your shoulder or comfort you when you have a nightmare.

Your name is John Egbert and the person you love is dead.

You've never felt this much despair in your life.

You've never been this angry.

Or ready to kill.